Hey.

I don't really know why I started to write this, quite a few people have started keeping blogs now, and I guess sometimes I think I really should record what goes on as my life gets bit like a soap sometimes.

Plus I'm trying to start again at the minute. Me and my boyfriend Justin parted ways in December. I was the one doing the dumping, but still. Since then I've just been on a rollercoaster, what with bloody christmas and revising for my exams. I did my last exam yesterday, yes it was horrific, but now I'm free. And I've decided to start doing all the things I want to do, and start becoming the person I should be, strange as that sounds.

First things first-I dyed my hair red :) I've been wanting to for agess, so i just went and did it ha.

So yesterday after my exam I headed to the Union, and it was awesome. I love it when loads of medics are in one place, its nice catching up with people and seeing everyone together. Medics are quite cliquey I guess, but I like it. I was fairly drunk, I started buying whoever was with me at the bar drinks, and I was necking sambuca at 3 in the afternoon, brilliant! I woke up naked in my bed at 10pm with no recollection of even leaving the union. So I got dressed and headed to fallowfield with the gorgeous girls who are my housemates! We went to font then to Tarts: it's an absolute dive but it was soo fun, it's the people who make the party. Though it feels like I spent half the time there sat outside talking to this lad, well I suppose I'm 'seeing' him if you need a definition. Yes, I know, I only broke up with my long term boyfriend last month. If it needs justification, then here it is: I knew my relationship was over a long time before it actually ended, and I never intended on finding someone else so quickly. Well it's like a teenage crush all over again, he gives me butterflies. But I don't want a boyfriend and committment and issues and all that shit, I just want him.

But anyway this conversation outside; He told me that someone had told him that I'm 'unpredictable' and to be wary of me, and that another had said that they don't like me for no good reason other than they don't have a good feeling about me. Ouch. Sounds like the world hates me doesn't it? Ha well both people were medics I'm acquainted with, but not like they're my friends. The former I can understand, as the lad who said that and I had a few ructions last year. The second-well I can't help people who randomly dislike people can I? I told my workmates about it today, and they laughed and said I am unpredictable-no one knows what the bloody hell I'm going to do next! So I decided I'd rather be unpredictable than predictable! :D

So anyway, we went to Baa Bar then Red Rum after Tarts closed (at 1 the bastards!). I had a brillant night. I stayed at this lads, we got pizza, and he played guitar to me and today we went for lunch in the Cheshire Cat with me wearing last nights clothes :)

Then off to work. I work at a fancy bar/restaurant/functions complex in Castlefield, and it's not bad as far as part time jobs go tbh. First shift of the new year! But everyone remembers me getting off with one of the chefs at the christmas work do, and I got a comment from every other person about it! He's been asking where 'his' Elsa is ever since apparently gahhh, not looking forward to seeing him again, thankfully he wasn't in today. I had the easiest shift I could ask for, just making lots and lots of vodka+mixers on a paid for bar. Finished at 1.20am which is early seeming as I've finished at 4.30am before (6am on NYE!).

I've read this back and realised I sound like a bit of a mental slag really. You know what, I think to the outside world I'm loud and proud and brash and exuberant. but I'm not that person at all. I'm so achingly insecure. I don't like myself, and I think thats my problem. I need to be able to love myself before I can truly love anyone else.

Right, got to cut my moaning short , off to rescue a mate in need. Yes, I'm headed to fallowfield at 3.20am, cos I'm mental like that!

Love x